


The House is Decaying

by AmazingNicola



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Siblings, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Self Harm, Suicide, just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 19:37:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2785247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmazingNicola/pseuds/AmazingNicola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The house is decaying. I don't see how no one else can see it. Just because Dan took that blade to his wrist for the final time doesn't mean the house should be falling apart like the rest of us.</p><p>In this story Dan is Chris and PJ's older brother and Phil is his boyfriend. Dan and Phil are 16, PJ is 13 and Chris is 8.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The House is Decaying

The house is decaying. I don't see how no one else can see it. Just because Dan took that blade to his wrist for the final time doesn't mean the house should be falling apart like the rest of us. Chris is not eating, PJ is drinking non-stop and I'm just sat in your room staring at that photo you took of us the day before it happened. It being when 8 year old Chris walked in to the bathroom to clean his teeth and found his older brother face down in a pool of his own blood in the middle of the floor covered in nasty jagged cuts. I'm missing my GCSE's for this, so are you, I don't think I care anymore. I just need you back here with me. I don't know how I'm going to cope now, you were the person Chris and PJ went to for the help but now your not there! How could you leave us like this? My parents don't seem to have notice I haven't been home in a week, or if they have they don't seem to care. Never thought they did care about me though, you were the only person that did. We'd been together a year Dan? Was I just not good enough to fight the horrors in your head? It would have been nice if you'd have told me you were like this. Maybe I could have helped? Maybe we could have battled this together. 

The house is decaying. The windows are dropping out and the roof is about to collapse. The wallpaper is peeling and the doors creaking, the creaks being the only noises in this dead house. Yesterday I saw one of the windows fall out, smashing on the floor, shattering into thousands of pieces, then seconds later it was intact back in the wall. I think I'm going crazy, I once thought I was only crazy about you, apparently I'm crazy altogether. That's what PJ thinks anyway, but he is only 13, what will he know? 

The house is decaying. You were my world Dan? You still are. Please just come home, I need to see you again, I need you to hold me and tell me its alright. Why Dan? I don't know what to think anymore. This room is starting to creep me out, it used to be a haven for me, I had so many memories here. Where we told each other we about our feeling. When you first said you loved me, when I said it right back, my first kiss, when we lost our virginity to each other. Does none of that mean anything to you? Did I not mean anything to you? Your bear on your bed used to comfort me, but now it stares at me, silently telling me this is my fault. Maybe it is. I never did anything to stop it happening, so why isn't it my fault? Please come home Dan. That once comforting sight of your old bear is now scaring me, whispering horrible things into my ears, haunting my every thought, well every thought that isn't about you, which isn't many.

The house is decaying. Our world is crumbling, falling, sagging. The only time I left this space on your beige carpet was to go to your funeral yesterday. When I walked down the street I see children on the swings, oblivious to the sorrow hanging over my shoulders. The group of women huddled into the doorway of the coffee shop stared at me as I walked past, news gets around in this small town fast you know Dan? Most people know by now, I mean how could they miss the death of the most important person in the world? Most of the town attended the funeral you know, sat in the church listening to the priest talk about how amazing you were. They all saw me break down while trying to give my eulogy, sobbing as I tried to explain my love for you. When they lowered your coffin into the grave everyone threw yellow roses on top, well everyone but me, I threw my red rose. Red for love Dan. My rose standing out against the sea of yellow. Everyone left after that. I just sat there and watched the grave. 'Daniel Howell, 1998-2014, A loving son, brother and soulmate, he will be forever missed'. I wrote that you know? I was the person who got to decide what words would be used to symbolize your life. A lot of pressure but I think I handled it well enough, short and simple, just how I knew you'd like it. 

The house is decaying, just like my mental health really, like my will to live. I miss you so much Dan. I found a bottle of pills in your drawer earlier. I think I might just pay you a visit. Sit by your grave and just disappear. How romantic right? Die by my lover's grave. Yeah I think I'll do that, I can't bear being apart from you, may as well join you up there in the sky. Unless you did this to get away from me? That's what my head is telling me. It can't be true, you told me you loved me, you couldn't have been lying, you'd never lie to me. But then you told me you'd never leave but you did. Dan I need you here, but if you can't be here then I'll come to you. I'll take these pills, end my life. For you Dan. For you. Goodbye Dan, or hello Dan, I'll see you soon.

Love Phil x

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I wrote for an English Assessment a while back, changed the names to fit a fandom sorry :)  
> First work please be nice!


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